For almost as long as video games have existed, there have been games based off popular movies. Atari’s 1982 E.T game was bad, rushed for Christmas release, and set the tone for decades of mediocrity for games based off films. Unfortunately, this translation of beloved entertainment into bland pointlessness is a two way street, and the past is littered with terrible movies looking to make a quick buck from a successful gaming franchise.
That being said, I hope the Assassin’s Creed film is excellent and revitalises the title, but it is not the only gaming franchise hoping to make the leap to the silver screen. Bioshock, World of Warcraft, Call of Duty, Far Cry and Angry Birds are all sitting somewhere between internet rumour and coming out before June, and there are plenty more where they came from. Here’s a list.
Unfortunately there are some unfairly overlooked games that truly deserve to be translated for the big screen. So I thought I’d offer some suggestions. If any producers or studios happen to be reading and want to buy my ideas, I’ll be happy to help them out.
Apocalypse films are quite the rage now, and Fallout 4 emerged as one of the biggest game titles of last year. Dark and gritty, I could see the Fallout universe easily translate into film. In fact, I see it so easily I’ve come up with a storyline already:
A young man, frozen in a vault for two hundred years, emerges into the wastelands of Boston on a quest to find his son. First, however, he must construct the perfect base from random bits of crap he finds lying about. After an hour or so of building more settlements and getting them ready for bandit attack, he finally remembers that he actually has a quest, and embarks upon a journey to Diamond City. Halfway through his travel his pip-boy lights up and tells him that one of his settlements is being attacked. He goes right away. Then his only friend Preston tells him about more settlements needing help. Our protagonist continues like this until we all get bored.
One of the biggest franchises of the 2000s, The Sims has been faltering under the guidance of EA and its notorious ways. Perhaps a way to save the series would be through a film.
Sure, The Sims is mainly about performing the mundane aspects of life, spiced up with a bit of deliberate drowning and excessive promiscuity, but there is already a precedent for shows about boring people living their boring lives. It’s called The Big Bang Theory.
Maybe it could even be some terrible experiment where real people live their lives where every decision is controlled by a bored thirteen year-old. Terrifying.
So Angry Birds is getting a movie. Okay… I mean it is colourful and popular with kids so it makes some sort of sense, but Candy Crush is popular and colourful too. Surely it at least deserves a short film.
I’m picturing Adam Sandler rambling inanely and screaming, while smashing bits of candy with his fists, followed by a forced feel-good ending he doesn’t have the acting chops to pull off. Plus it would probably be funnier than most of what he’s done lately.
Age of Empires:
For me, this is one of the classic strategy games, and its influence alone makes it worthy of a film, not to mention the storyline of a fledgling nation growing into power could actually be interesting.
The subtitle would be ‘Wololo,’ and it would track a small city, growing in power, but constantly harassed by old men who appear from over the hill and keep stealing all of the important soldiers and builders, until they can train enough cavalry to run them down. The film would actually end after about 45 minutes when 30 spacemen with laser rifles and five cars with rocket launchers appear out of nowhere and obliterate everyone else. Satisfying, but probably not hugely rewarding.
This one’s probably not going to be made into a movie. There’s no character or story, really it would just be banking on name recognition to make some money…
So, yes, this whole article was a bit of a joke, but there is an actual, real trend of video games being made into films – I just hope they don’t follow the other disappointing treatments our favourite games have received in the past. Not all are bad, but no one wants their beloved series to end up like that awful Mario and Luigi film.